Well, I suppose I have reasons to be updating now, because after being nominated, I won Spouse of the Year for my base, NS Norfolk! Surreal is the best way to describe it all, and I think I’m still trying to process it and come to grips with it. A lot of this post is going to be geared toward folks who’ve landed here in the aftermath of all this, looking for more about me.

[What is the Spouse of the Year? It is a merit based award for military spouses made possible by Military Spouse Magazine and Armed Forces Insurance.]

A lot of why my insanely wonderful friend Asia nominated me had to do with my writing, which is how I share my story and other stories that happen to pop into my head. Before I cleaned this place out (a lot of my writing didn’t reflect who I am today, and the majority of the posts were spotty, random updates in a poor attempt at “blogging” regularly), I used this platform in particular to share about my health issues. In addition to PTSD, I have Meniere’s Disease and some back problems.

Writing is often a solitary pursuit. And when I put things out on here, I never know how many people it’s going to reach. In a lot of ways, it’s also always been about me. Whether that’s writing out the most creepy and scary things I can dream up, or sharing about my life in a nonfiction way, it was a matter of having something to say and needing to put it out there. To share with others. With fiction, I hope people enjoy reading what I write, and that they like the story. The hope for my nonfiction is that someone else hears it and says, “Hey, me too!”

In terms of the horror stories found on my fiction page, they’ve been an outlet for my PTSD. I have to really take a moment here and clarify that it’s noncombat related. But it’s still just as real as combat related PTSD. It’s still just as crippling at times. In a horror story, though, I am the master of all of it. I can turn the volume up, turn it down, and most importantly turn it off. It’s also been a really interesting thing to explore the extremes of the human psyche.

With The OWL Project, I honestly didn’t know it would wind up being so popular. I started sharing about deployment experiences for two reasons. One was that I have a lot of civilian friends, and I wanted them to be able to understand what we’re going through. I wanted to demystify military life, show the normal side, and find the common threads that connect us. Second, I wanted to process my own emotions the best way I know how: writing.

I’ve been so overwhelmed with such wonderful positive response, and I’ve loved getting feedback from folks. I’ve had people from other services identify with the things I’ve written, and my civilian friends think it’s really neat to get a behind the scenes look at things. It has actually had that added bonus, too, of giving us threads of commonality.

There are so many more that I haven’t posted because I’m saving them for the full book version. I’m actually a bit behind schedule, but I intend to put a dent in that this weekend.

But in the end, I have to say: thank you.

Thank you to Asia, for nominating me. To my MarvMan, for believing in me. To my friends who put up with my paranoia over what to write in my profile (seriously, ask any author, writing an About Me is the worst!). And to everyone who voted in the first round.

We’re waiting to see what happens with the Top 18, and I’m surprising myself when I say:

I hope I make it. I want to make it into the Top 3 for the Navy. I’d love to be Navy Spouse of the Year.

It’s taken a long time to get to a point where I feel like I have something important to say, and that my experience matters. That my story is necessary. That I am capable of doing work that matters.

A lot of that connects back to my PTSD. So many of the feelings wrapped up in that have to do with guilt and shame, which has crippled my self esteem for so long. But I can feel it coming back. I can feel that confidence coming back. And I really, really hope that I can properly represent – first and foremost – NS Norfolk spouses, and go on to represent Navy spouses.

Military spouses are a community capable of great things. I want to start a conversation about the state of mental health in our communities. About the support we have access to but don’t often know about. About how to best care for each other when dealing with such a big important thing like mental illness. And, no, I’m not sure how to do that, but so far writing has been working for me. So I’m going to keep doing that and see where the road leads in terms of future opportunities.

Again: thank you. ❤