Because posts with pictures do better. Cat pictures preferred. Or so I’m told.

I don’t even know if this is going to make it into the final OWL cut, but I felt the need to say something.

My husband is currently deployed. It’s scary to have a loved one deployed no matter what, but given the current global situation, the worries this time feel bigger. Add on to that the way the media is constantly looking for the next big headline, and the tendency of things to go viral on the internet, and it’s a recipe that’s enough to give anyone firsthand experience with an anxiety attack.

My father in law has this really great way of looking at things, and he’s always said that something around 95% of the things you worry about never happen. It’s something I try to cling to whenever I do worry. Occasionally, there’s a nagging fear in the back of my head that something will happen, and I’ll repeat that to myself. Often, and I’m somewhat ashamed to admit it, I’m usually too busy to give myself time to worry. Homeschooling and all the activities the kids are involved in will do that to a person, not to mention squeezing in time for myself!

We also don’t have cable. We use streaming services for pretty much all our movies and television programs. It saves us a buttload of money, and it keeps me from staying up late, channel surfing, when I should be going to sleep. Not having cable also prevents the television from becoming “background noise” for every moment of every day. With my tinnitus, I already have two fans going in my room – I don’t need to add to it!

Which doesn’t mean I don’t get the news, either. I follow most of our local channels on Facebook, and I stay in the loop via other social media sites (specifically Twitter and G+), and I have one or two sites I visit daily just to skim the headlines. I’m in the loop as much as the next person who watches their local news channels every day.

Some spouses and families have a policy during deployment that they simply don’t watch the news. I didn’t understand, for a time, why this would be something that works for them. Sometimes, the only way for me to know the latest about my husband’s deployment is to watch the news. We joke while attached to a ship that news outlets often know when homecoming is before we do. And yet… there’s truth in that particular jest. When our last deployment was delayed, we read it on the local news before the command was able to notify everyone.

This deployment, though? I’m starting to understand the desire to cut off all news. Not only are we dealing with tensions on a global scale, but it’s an election year. All bets are off, now, in terms of objective reporting. It’s all sensational headlines and a whole lot of not-so-veiled mudslinging on otherwise reputable sites.

Because I was active duty, a few friends of mine will send me news articles that worry them, asking for my opinion. And the first thing I usually do is fact check against a variety of other sources. These sources include the polar opposite of the original outlet providing the story, and international news publications. You know that saying that there’s three sides to every story? Side A, Side B, and then there’s the truth.

Usually, when you’re sussing out the truth in a news article, you can find it somewhere in between two particularly popular news outlets. I really don’t have a lot of experience in terms of logistics and certainly not in foreign policy and diplomacy. So I rely on the things I’ve learned as a content writer, a copy editor, and the things I learned earning my PR & Marketing degree to verify a story’s legitimacy, and then again to figure out the truth at the story’s core.

I do what I can to provide a bit of reason, and a whole lot of calm. Now, I’m not saying this to imply that my friends come running to me, freaking out, begging me to calm their nerves. They don’t. They’re strong, amazing people. And it’s not to say that I don’t occasionally freak out or worry unnecessarily, either. But when I step back and look at it, I would want someone to be a voice of calm and reason for me, so that’s what I try to provide.

There’s been some scary stuff this time around, though, and it’s required more conscious thought to be calm and reasonable. It’s been enough that I’ve had a few messages from family members, asking what’s going on and if my husband is okay. And then off go the emails to my husband, who has no clue what they’re talking about because he usually spends most of his time in his office, working.

The truth is, I never have an answer I completely believe. I always leave room for the worst, always leave room for the best. Mostly the worst, though, because this is the military life. Thing is, I also know that I can’t let myself get wrapped up in the what ifs and the maybe’s. They’re dangerous things that can throw you completely out of whack. And I’ve got too much going on here to be too off kilter.

So here’s my formula for holding fast when the news is scary:

First and foremost, I apply the research processes I mentioned above. I can research a thing to death, and have an internet history that includes scholarly articles, some seriously heavy philosophic reading… and some of the wackiest conspiracy theory websites anyone has ever run across. Pick a way you want to look at a situation, frame your search terms around that viewpoint, and you will find thousands upon thousands of sources that back you up. I go to all ends of the spectrum, personally. It’s fun following the rabbit hole.

That’s when I call in the cavalry. I have a small number of friends to whom I vent my fears. I don’t trust many people with these things, and in fact, now that I think about it, my cavalry is very small. The grand total of people on that list of friends is two.

These friends know my process. I need to be able to pull subjects apart down to their very molecules, put them back together… and then do it all over again. And they let me. They, in fact, let me ramble and do not interrupt me. (Pet peeve of mine.) They validate my fears. Let me be clear: they do not validate the situation. They validate my fears. My worries. My feelings.

Why don’t I vent my fears to a lot of people? In addition to that, too wide a variety of feedback will just leave me feeling confused. The people I chose to trust with these “big emotions,” as my daughter and I call them, are similar to me in their beliefs, but they’re not afraid to challenge my opinions. They’re not afraid to call me out on overreacting, and they’re quick to bolster me when I need it most.

I’m also careful about the people I choose for these things because I know what they’re going to tell me will influence the way I look at a situation. So I’m very picky when it comes to trusting people with my more personal fears, or my more fragile emotions. A lot of how we cope with scary and tough times depends on the type of people with which we surround ourselves. Because this life can be so unpredictable, I try to be picky about those I keep around me, and maybe especially so because of my PTSD. I have enough going on in my head; I don’t need people to add to it!

These friends provide a dose of reality for me. They’ll be the calm I try to provide others. They’ll be the reason. And we’ll have a few drinks, laugh about it, and move on.

At the end of the day, I have I guess what could be considered a mantra: I haven’t heard it from him, I haven’t heard it from the command/base. There isn’t anything to worry about until I’m directly told there’s something about which I need to worry.

Until then, there’s always wine. 😉